Post Mission Trip Re-Entry Stress

Definition, Symptoms, Coping Styles, & Tips
A. Definition
Re-entry stress is like culture stress (also called culture shock) in many ways – only in reverse. While culture stress is associated with a sense of disorientation brought on by a new and unfamiliar environment, re-entry stress is precipitated by returning to a setting you presume to be familiar, but which in reality is no longer the same.

It is the unexpected and often subtle nature of such change that can cause stress for you as you return from cross-cultural service. What was once familiar and comfortable no longer appears the same. Something definitely has changed – sometimes it is the environment but often times it is you.

Suddenly you find yourself out of phase with your own culture. Your reaction may come in the form of bewilderment, dismay, disillusionment and perhaps even irritation or anger. Somehow, “things are just not the way they used to be…”, “nobody seems to care….”, “nobody really understands…”.

There are several contributing factors to re-entry stress. One is that you are being caught by surprise – you do not anticipate change and consequently are unprepared to cope. Another factor is value conflict. Your values, once taken for granted and even highly cherished, now seem of lesser significance or of little importance at all. Your way of thinking, your manner and your responses to many situations have been changing. Often these changes are not apparent until you are back in your home culture.

B. Common symptoms and effects of re-entry stress
1. Disorientation – feeling out of place, not fitting in
2. Feelings of loneliness, isolation, or being lost in the crowd
3. Restlessness – a desire to “get away” from those who don’t seem to understand or care
4. Feeling that nobody understands your experience or that nobody cares
5. Feeling tired, listless
6. Critical attitude toward home country – its waste, extravagance, wrong way of doing things, etc.
7. Loss of identity – just “another cog in a big wheel”
8. Inability to communicate new ideas, concepts freely
9. Feeling of superiority – standing aloof from others because of your overseas experience
10.Feeling dissatisfaction
11.Defensiveness in responses
12.Retreat, withdrawal, lack of concern
13.Unnatural, uncomfortable responses to “ordinary” situations
14.Confusion over conflicting attitudes and responses
15.Rejection of overseas experiences or a desire to forget and not talk about them

1. ISOLATE and be alienated
A person who responds this way to re-entry stress. . .
• pulls away from being in a stressful situation by being alone or with like-minded people (e.g. former short-termers)
• continues to identify with the home culture for the most part, but has strong negative reactions to it
• may express a strong judgmental attitude towards the values and lifestyle of the home culture (church, family, friends, politics)
• may feel deep guilt over home culture’s materialism and affluence
• may tend to day dream a lot about the short-term experience, holding on to memories
• unaware of other alternatives to impact the home culture (church or campus group)
NEEDS – someone who has been through re-entry stress to help in understanding the transition process and exploring options

2. IMITATE and be re-socialized
A person who responds this way to re-entry stress. . .
• “Goes native” in USA culture by reverting immediately back to conventional norms
• resumes life as if nothing happened
• unable to translate the impact of short-term experience to the rest of life
• may have a very high need for acceptance by the home culture
• may be afraid of the repercussions of being different or standing on one’s convictions
NEEDS – to be with compassionate mission-minded people who can assist in sorting out the short-term experience

3. INTEGRATE and be proactive
A person who responds this way to re-entry stress. . .
• accepts the reality of transitions between two cultures
• relates back with the home culture in a way that does not compromise or negate new values or lessons learned from short-term experience
• recognizes that changes have occurred through the short-term experience
• continues to learn lifestyle incorporating the old and new
NEEDS: seeks support from like-minded people

Prepare for re-entry stress before you leave home by expecting it! You will never be completely at home again after your time of service because part of your heart will remain with the people you serve. This is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.

Tips for dealing with re-entry stress.
1. Expect it and realize that it is normal! Give yourself time to work through it. Be patient with yourself and others as you go through this process.
2. Keep your sense of humor and remember to laugh!
3. Remind yourself to be THANKFUL for the opportunity God gave you and the things you experienced and learned.
4. Realize the difference between readjusting totally to “the way things were” and incorporating new values based on all that you experienced.
5. Develop community with people who have been overseas with whom you can discuss (and if they are Christians, pray for) the transition you are experiencing AND the needs of the world. Encourage each other in thinking globally!
6. Seek out friendships with people from the region where you served – international students,refugees, businessmen, etc. Make the nations part of your life at home!
7. Be prepared for the people who ask “How was your trip?” but really don’t want to hear more than a superficial “It was great!” response. Recognize that not everyone will be interested in all the details that you think they should care about. Pray through ways that you can share who God is and His heart for the nations even in your short answers. And seek out the people who want to listen to more details too!
8. Take initiative to figure out how to serve your local church and community. Analyze their ministries, your gifts, and then seek out opportunities (or help create opportunities) that integrate what you have learned overseas with the priorities of your church.
9. Recognize that your friends and family may be under a great deal of stress themselves. Be prepared to counsel, comfort, pray for and bless them, as much as to receive their counsel and care.
10. Remember that God is calling you to Himself here, just as He did there. Seek Him and make the most of every opportunity you are given here, just as you sought to do there.

Personal Debriefing Questions
Here are some questions to help you as you process all that you experienced and all that God did during your time on the field. These questions can be used individually as you journal and reflect or you can get together with a friend or small group and talk through these together.
Spend some time praising God for His faithfulness in both the challenging and exciting times and praying for those who are still there.

1. Write down as many thoughts as possible about the trip. Include pre-trip preparation and training, concerns and fears before you went, and observations and feelings about your experience on the field.

2. Pick 3 items from number 1 that were key to your experience. Describe them in more detail and tell why they were key experiences, thoughts, or feelings.

3. Write down 5 things you really liked about the culture.

4. Write down 5 things you really did not like about the culture.

5. Answer the following questions:
• Through this experience, what has God said to me about my life in the USA?
• Through this experience, what has God said to me about my walk with Him?
• Through this experience, what has God said to me about His heart for the world?
• Through this experience, what has God said to me about the work in the place I served?

6. How have you changed in . . .
• your attitudes about other cultures?
• your attitudes about the USA?
• your attitudes about yourself?
• your understanding of God?
• your plans for the future?

7. List 3 ways that you can communicate these changes to your family and friends who did not serve with you.

8. In light of this mission experience, what are some ways that you want to change?
(Ex: I want to be less time conscious and more people conscious.)

9. List 3 ways you can begin to make these changes.

10. How do you plan to continue your involvement with the work in the place you served? Write an action plan to carry out these ideas.

11. Write short thank you notes to . . .
• your field supervisor(s)
• your home church/whoever supported you with finances and
• your family

12. List 2 things that you would do again or keep as part of the project.

13. List 2 things that you would change about the experience and tell why.

14. Write down 2 things you would recommend that other people do to prepare to serve in the area in which you served.

15. Write down an outline for 2 or 3 stories and learn to tell each story in 2-3 minutes. You might want to practice with someone to make sure the story is interesting and brief.
For ideas about how to tell your story, see “How to Tell Your Story” – on

Questions 16 – 20 deal with issues of re-entry stress (also called reverse culture shock).
16. From your overseas experience, do you feel you will have tendency to be critical of your home church when you return to the USA? If so, why? How can you work through these feelings in a godly way?

17. From your overseas experience, do you have feelings of superiority over those who stayed behind (who you may be tempted to view as “less spiritual”)? If so, why do you believe that going overseas is superior to staying in the USA to minister? How do you plan to work through these feelings in a godly way?

18. From your overseas experience, do you feel angry at Americans for . . .
• wastefulness
• apathy toward other cultures
• driving “too fast”
• not being truly interested in God’s heart for the nations
• other (please explain)

19. Who can give you godly and wise advice about working through your feelings?

20. How do you plan to work through these feelings in a godly way to strengthen your relationship with God, your family and friends, and your ministry

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It wasn’t her fault

Recently, I heard a story about a girl that I’ve loved for years.  This girl in her short teenage life has experienced a history of pain that tops just about anyone I’ve ever met.  She’s precious, she’s beautiful, and she is a handful.  I do believe she is strong, and wise; she is amazing and she is a liar.  I adore her, but I rarely ever see her and hardly ever speak to her.  She crosses my path here and there and I try to reach her.  I try to show her God’s love and to infuse her heart with beauty that breaks through the hard walls she has built around her heart.  She breaks mine.  Her potential is so great…if she survives this life she has been served.

The current story goes that she was being sexually harrassed at school and, this time, she did something about it.  She turned them in and the school agreed, assuming administration watched the video tapes of the boys groping and pressing themselves against this girl.  The boys were punished, suspended.  The horror of the story continues that students, her peers, have started a petition siding with the boys, stating it was her fault, she deserved it, she’s a liar, and she asked for it, that’s just the way she is.  I read some of their facebook posts against her and nearly chewed off my fingers to not type out a mama-bear, grace-less response.

She is precious.  She is hypersexual.  She is a liar.  But she doesn’t deserve to be sexually harrassed.  She doesn’t deserve to be tormented at school.  She doesn’t deserve to be the topic of petitions against her.  She deserves to climb into the lap of the God who loves her, who wipes away the tears that she’s too tough to cry, to hear that voice that once and for all declares, “You are mine! I will fight for you, I will protect you! I will love you!!”  She deserves to know that she is precious in the eyes of our living Savior!  She deserves a friend, a circle of them who turn their back on the world who is inciting the crowd against her and who fall on their knees and their faces on her behalf.

If you have read this far, I assume you are a friend of mine.  I assume you know my heart.  I don’t care if you know this girl.  I don’t care if you know her story.  I don’t care if I know her story, or if she’s lying this time, or if even you would side against her.  I don’t care, because I care so much about her that all of that doesn’t matter.  Would you take a moment, or more, and join with me as we circle the wagons and pray for this child?  Get on your knees and pray your heart out.  For this child is His!!  He will not forsake her and He will not abandon her.  Lord God, move on her behalf!!

Many years ago, I started researching mentoring.  I felt it would be a great addition to our Women’s Ministry here at New Life and hoped to implement a program where we could match up the “older women” with the younger women following the Titus 2 example.

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

I drew up the program and the paperwork and presented the idea at a Women’s Conference.  Almost immediately, there were eight wise “older” women who were interested in the program, but to my surprise, only two of them wanted to be mentors and the rest wanted to be mentored.  In my heart, I knew I had identified a need, but I didn’t know how to meet the need, because I was one of those that wanted a mentor.  Looking back on it now, and recognizing my immaturity in ministry then, I should have joined the eight of us together to learn how to become mentors, but I didn’t.  I connected a few women with the two women who said they would be mentors, but then decided to let the program fizzle.  I didn’t know how to prepare older women to mentor the younger women, I just hoped they’d know how, and I definitely didn’t know how to mentor the older women that I hoped to learn from.

Years have gone by, and I’ve learned a lot about Women’s Ministry.  I have mentored and been mentored as the ladies as New Life have learned how to minister to women together, but we have not tackled starting a formal mentoring program.  I’ve learned that a formal mentoring program may not be the best approach to meeting the needs of women who need a mentor and I agree, it isn’t what we need here.  What we need here is connection, it’s sisterhood.  My hope is that women become Soul Sisters who learn from each other as they study the word, pray, go through their daily lives, and serve God together.  There is a Biblical element of that sisterhood that is the older woman partnering with the younger woman to offer life skills coaching such as how to cook a turkey, get a child to sleep through the night, or organize a mudroom, Biblical training for spiritual growth and endurance through hard times,  and active listening during times of crisis or concerns.   We need each other and younger women need the “spiritual mothers” they can turn to with questions, with prayer needs, and with tears on days when life isn’t easy.

So, starting this Monday, at New Life, the Women’s Ministry will host a Women’s Connection: Mentoring Workshop.  This will not be a program, there will be no sign up sheets or procedure for matching up “older women” with younger ones.  It’s simply learning together with other women about mentoring.  This workshop is for those looking to find a mentor and for those who are interesting in mentoring.

Are you a mom who wishes you had one of those Titus 2 older women in your life?  Do you sometimes wish you could pour out your heart to someone who cared, but wouldn’t hold your hurts against you, or your husband, like your mother might?  Do you wish someone could help you figure out how to balance grace and mercy with training and punishment as you mother your children?  Are you looking for someone who has been through the things you are going through and who can help you hang onto hope that you will get through to the other side of this, too?  Do you have questions about where God is and what He’s trying to teach you?  Then, this mentoring workshop is for you.

Are you a woman who wishes you knew then what you know now?  Do you see younger moms, single women, or young married gals and wish you could whisper life-changing nuggets of advice and encouragement into their lives?  Were you able to pick up the phone and call your mom, your aunt, or your grandma, when you needed advice about marriage, mothering, friendship, cooking, cleaning, or even gardening and could offer that wisdom to a generation that doesn’t have that cross-generational connectivity with their own family members?  Do you have a little extra time now that you could give to a woman who desperately needs someone to listen and to speak into her life?  Has God given you insight into how He works and who He is that you could pass on in little pieces to strengthen the faith of another woman?  Do you want to be this older, wiser woman, someday?  If so, this mentoring workshop is for you.

It doesn’t have to be a long term, formal commitment.  Let me share this story about a mentoring opportunity God once gave me:

One day, I broke a tooth and couldn’t tolerate the pain of it anymore.  I called the dentist and they worked in an emergency appointment right after their lunch hour.  I arrived at the office, to find the waiting room empty.  I took a seat and looked through a magazine while I waited.  Within a few minutes, a woman and her young toddler arrived.  They checked in and she came and sat down next to me~ not one chair away, not on the other side of the end table to my left ~ but directly next to me, in an empty waiting room.  I was alerted, something was up.  I greeted her briefly and she said something about her little guy driving her to her breaking point.  I could see desperation in her face and immediately sensed that Jesus was the answer she needed.  I froze like a deer in the headlights.  I think I said something about her little guy being precious and gaga-ed over the cutie who was now throwing magazines on the ground.  I looked back at my magazine, turned the page aimlessly, and prayed for wisdom for a moment too long.  Just as I turned back to her to speak something that I hoped the Holy Spirit would say through me, my name was called and I grabbed my stuff and headed back to be tortured by the dentist (you know what I mean).  The whole time I was in the dentist chair, I begged God to let me have another chance with her, to let me see her again, but I didn’t.  I missed the opportunity to speak life giving, life changing words in her life.  I missed the chance to mentor her in that moment.

Imagine that I am looking at you face to face, deep into your eyes right now as I state this:  If you would know what to say in that situation, this mentoring workshop is for you.  We need your wisdom.  But if you’re more like I was, uncertain what to say when caught off guard, not sure how to share your faith with a woman in a check-out line, on a playground bench, or at school function, then this mentoring workshop is for also you.  We’ll discuss “mentoring in the moment” like my opportunity at the dentist and “mentoring for the long haul” which is a long term commitment to partner with one woman.  It’s so much more than a formal program.  Come and learn about mentoring in this four session workshop.  Monday nights, January 23rd through February 6th at 6:30PM and Saturday morning, February 11th from 9:00-Noon.  Childcare is provided.

Please purchase the book “Transforming Together: Authentic Spiritual Mentoring” by Ele Parrott for this class.

We will also be looking at the workbook entitled “Influence:  Living and Sharing a Life of Wisdom” by Pam Gillaspie and Jan Silvious available at  (but it isn’t required for this class, but may be a good resource for you).  If you cannot attend our workshop on mentoring, Precept Ministries is offering an online, self-paced class on mentoring based on this workbook by signing up at

God Bless, ~Shelly

Spinning Plates

Today, I tried to explain to my husband how complicated it is for me to meet all the roles that I am expected to be.  Wife, Mother, Maid, Cook, Biggest Fan, and to keep up with my full-time job as Director of Women and Children’s Ministries.  I explained to him that I feel like I am spinning plates.  Overall, I can keep the main plates spinning. I am a good wife, I’m a good mom, and, overall, I’m effective in my ministry position.  I can keep some plates spinning.  But, it feels like if we were to look at my life in smaller, sub-sections of plates, I am failing at this task.  I can spin the laundry plate, but only if I slow up on the grocery shopping plate, I can keep the “biggest fan” plate going round by cheering my kid on at their next game, but only if hand over my “cook” plate to whomever is working the concession stand.  Even at work, I can spin the plates to keep the work going, but when it comes to important details and giving time to specific, hurting individuals, I am dropping plates.  I am epically and totally failing at spinning plates!

Look at this video of chinese plate spinners:

I think so often women’s ministry wrongly comes down to spinning plates and teaching other women to do the same.  Let me explain.

Think performance.  Think about all of the things we do as women to impress others.  Even beyond that, not even considering what the others are thinking, think about the things we do to impress ourselves, to make us feel like we’re good enough, or doing enough, to define ourselves as a success. 

In my job, as Director of Women’s Ministries, I could become a professional plate spinner.  I could be the woman that has it all together, spinning the roles of wife, mom, Pastor, friend, daughter, etc. effortlessly.  I could make it look easy, like I have found the secret to life.  I could paint this dream picture where all is beautiful, and lovely, and peaceful.  I could become the woman who pretends to have it all together.  More than that, I could be the one telling other women to follow me in this pretense.  To measure our walk with God by the way we spin plates.  We could become this circus act and I could become the choreographer teaching moms to “get it all together” so it looks good on the outside.

I am here today to shout–FORGET ABOUT THE OUTSIDE!!  Drop a couple of plates.  Nap when the baby naps, let the dishes sit while you play a game with your kids, let your husband iron his own shirt, and don’t care if a spontaneous guest sees a bit of your mess.  I truly do want it all together.  I want every little thing in it’s place and every little detail covered.  I want the perfect picture, not to impress you or other people, but to impress me to meet my own standards and to impress God, to show Him I’m working hard enough. But in His beauty and His grace, He says, “You need your failures and your weaknesses.  Embrace them, because I love you that way.”  It doesn’t impress Him when I spin plates, or when I teach a group of women to perform.  I think He’s more impressed when we let others into the ugly places, let them see the ugly cry of our hearts, and to care through the ugliness of life~to truly love.

I don’t ever want to encourage a woman to spin a plate or to go through life feeling like they can’t keep up with all of the demands.  I want us to lay our everything before our great Big, God and say, “Use me for Your glory!”   We have to cover the details, we have to maintain our many roles in life, but it’s so much more than spinning plates.  It’s a beautiful, messy journey of faith.  I am so blessed.

Create Beauty Everyday

My goal for 2012 is to create something of beauty everyday. 

Our Heavenly Father first revealed himself in this world as the Creator.  He is the one who created the heavens and the earth and He delighted in His creations.  We were created in the image of God.  In His likeness, with intricacies and attributes that reflect the heart of Who He Is.  As we tune into God and who He designed us to be, He unlocks and instills gifts and passions within us to be used for His glory. 

Consider this verse:   Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Psalm 37:4.   I used to think that as we delighted in God and grew closer to Him, He was pleased to hand over to us whatsoever we requested, whatever it was that our little hearts desired.   This “Santa Claus” in the sky, genie in a bottle, view of God was distorted.  He does delight to give us good things and the Word teaches us that every good and perfect gift is from above (James 1:17), but it’s not that our wish is His command.  It’s better than that.

As we delight in God, and grow closer to Him through the study of His word, worship, prayer, obedience, and service, we grow to know Him better.  As we know Him better, we learn His character.  We cannot fully grasp the depth of who He is, or how intense each of His character traits are represented as the essence of who He is, but we can stand in awe of each little element of God we do get a glimpse of. 

In Ephesians 3, Paul prays, “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”

I want to take four main points from this passage today.

  1. God’s love for us is one of the good and perfect gifts that comes from above.  It is for everyone.
  2. This love surpasses knowledge, but the understanding of that love is what is developed in us as we draw closer to Him.  As we grow in a love for God, for His Word, and His people, we grow in an understanding of how much He loves us.  As we gain insight of that love more and more, as we see how immeasurable that love is, we gain a revelation of Who God is.  When we realize on a new and deeper level, “He loves me,” and then the next day, or month, or year, we understand it even more,  our hearts melt and rest in that love with peace, and beauty, and awe.  We are confident in who we are and who God created us to be.
  3. We can be filled with the measure of all fullness of God.  I don’t know what that means.  I do not know how to measure the fullness of God with human measurements.  I do not know what portion of Him we get to be filled with, but what I know is that the more and more I understand that God loves me, the more and more I want to be like Him.  Not in a prideful, powerful, lightning bolt at my command type of feeling, but the deepest heart desire to please Him.  Beyond just pleasing Him, I want to be Him here and now to the people around  me.  I want to be His hands comforting and strengthening those that need to feel His touch, I want to be His voice speaking His words to those that need to hear Him, I want to be His provision to those that need what He wants to give them, I want to be His mercy, His wisdom, His beauty.  My heart’s desire is no longer wrapped up in pleasing me, but in being His hands and feet, His servant, in all that I am.
  4. His power within us can do more than we ask or imagine.  His power is at work within us. Think about this, “the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you”  Romans 8:11.  The power that spoke to a dead and buried Jesus Christ and said, “Arise,” is within us.  The same power that spoke “Let there be light” to a dark and empty space is at work within us.  We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13).  “All things.”  “Immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine.”  “Living in you.”  “According to His power at work within us.”  Understand, His power is at work within you helping you, beyond helping you, it’s empowering you, equipping you, enabling you, to be everything that God needs you to be.  Even more than that, it is placing within you longings. 

When you know God loves you, you know who God created you to be, and you know His power is at work within you, you begin to find within yourself longings, desires of your heart, that line up with God’s Word, that stir within you.  They call out to you.  They pull you or push you to do the things you only once dreamed of doing.  You take the risk, step out in faith, and move.  Some people feel called to go on that mission trip to Africa, go into full-time ministry, to sell all they have and give to the poor, to write that book, or more.  We fear it, all of the “Big Faith” stuff, that we equate with fully surrendering to the calling and the power of God in your life.  But let me stop you right here and explain what I want you to know more than anything from this blog today.  Think of it this way, God created North America.  He created it a beautiful continent with mountains and valleys, rivers and lakes, forests and deserts, plains and prairies.  God created the birds, fish, and other animals, and provided them with the food they needed to sustain their lives.  God created the big–the oceans and the mountains, and God created the small–the ants, blades of grass, and specks of sand.  He fashioned into place every detail, every little thing and every big thing to make this land on which we live.  What if it is the same with our longings?

What if that longing in your heart to dance is just as “Big Faith” importance as the missionary in Africa?  What if your desire to homeschool your children in actually God’s desire for them?  What if your heart’s desire to sing is not about leading worship on a big stage, but more about giving Him praise on a day-to-day basis?  What if God calls you be to be a nurse, or a teacher, a banker, or a lawyer, a farmer, a mother, or a store clerk?  Are those lesser callings than Pastor or missionary?  What if the longing isn’t big, like a career or a ministry?  What if it’s little, like “I want to sit with my mom and drink a cup of coffee” or “I want to spend an afternoon at the museum with my son” or “I want to plant a garden”?  My statement today is if you know God loves you, if you rest in the confidence that you want to please Him because He loves you, if you know you were created for a purpose, if you know God’s power is at work within you, listen to that longing.  Find that longing within you and let it stir.  Let it grow, and pull, and call, and push you.  Let it move you.  Whether it is little or it is big in our wrongful measurement of “faith stuff”, accept it.  Love it.  Go for it.

My heart’s desire right now is to create beauty everyday.  I don’t know what that will be, but it lines up with who God is, He is Creator, He creates beauty, and I believe He has placed this longing in my heart.  I’m going to go forward with it believing I am doing His will.  He will empower me to do more than I can ask or imagine as He moves in my life.   I am excited to see where God takes me.  I expect this to be a year of crafting, and sewing, cleaning and writing, encouraging and studying, playing and planting ~ a year of beauty and smiles, of flowers and family, photography and decorating, fashion and fun. Creating something of beauty everyday is my personal goal for 2012.  May God bless it and use it for His glory.

Find your inner longing.  Believe it is there for a purpose.  It may not be big in definition of what we think God wants His followers to do, but I’m telling you today, be faithful in what you define as little things because it may be that still small longing will lead to something more than you can ask or imagine.   God bless you.  Find your longing and do something with it!  Now, go!!  Love ya!


It’s prom season and my daughter and I have been busy preparing her for the big night.  You can’t imagine the thrill of helping her find her dream dress, the perfect shoes, accessories, and bling to make her even more beautiful than she already is.  All of it has got me pondering beauty and the point of it.


There was a time in my life when I was considered beautiful…hush now, all who might say I still am, not the point…beauty became a paradox in my life.  Beauty became a blessing and a curse.   Beauty in the world’s definition is powerful, vain, sexual, and dangerous.  But true beauty, God’s beauty, is gentle, humble, spiritual, and nurturing.   I do believe that I have known both.  I’ve been beautiful and I am beautiful.  I’ve used my beauty and been used for my beauty.  There came a point in my life when I wanted nothing to do with it, wanted to hide it and push it aside so no one would know, that somewhere deep inside, I was created an image of beauty.  Because beauty was ugly.

Vanity and Conceit.

You may, or may not, be able to read into these words that I’ve struggled with vanity, to the point that I’d be ashamed to share how conceited I had become at points in my life.  Stupid sinful pride, wrapped up in self-centeredness and judgementalism.  I was conceited to the core and fell for the line that I was something special…something more beautiful than “her”…I still fall for it, but I fight it.   I rebuke it and repent.  “I’m sorry, forgive me.” I lay down my beauty crown and beg God to make me His…holy His…and wholey His.  And He says, “My beautiful one, I love you, rest in who I created you to be.”

And before my rebuke, or resistance, or rebellion is on my lips to correct Him, He hushes me and says, “You are beautiful and I delight in you.”  I want to show Him my dark circles, stretch marks, and scars, I want to show Him the dark recesses of my heart that still reflect my sin  of vanity…who am I to correct God…yes, I know, more vanity and pride…but He wants to show me beauty all  around me. 

As I rest and relax as His love and mercy washes over me, images of beauty flash before me…flowers, blooming through the spring time snow;  newborns, resting at their mother’s breast; eaglets, high above the hustle and bustle of this life we live.  There is beauty all around us.  May we take the time to catch glimpses of His glory in the beauty of His creation.

Beauty.  Beautiful. 

I’m taken to His Word, drawn to the word beautiful.  Beauty is important to God.  Important enough to mention a woman’s physical beauty with her name throughout the Old Testament.  Consider these examples:

When Abram came to Egypt, the Egyptians saw that Sarai was a very beautiful woman. Genesis 12:14

Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milkah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor.  The woman was very beautiful Genesis 24:15-16

Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful.  Genesis 29:17

His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman  1 Samuel 25:3

One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, 3 and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba  2 Samuel 11: 2-3

In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom  2 Samuel 13:1

Three sons and a daughter were born to Absalom. His daughter’s name was Tamar, and she became a beautiful woman.  2 Samuel 14:27

Then they searched throughout Israel for a beautiful young woman and found Abishag, a Shunammite, and brought her to the king.  1 Kings 1:3

This young woman, who was also known as Esther, had a lovely figure and was beautiful. Mordecai had taken her as his own daughter when her father and mother died.  Esther 2:7

Nowhere in all the land were there found women as beautiful as Job’s daughters, and their father granted them an inheritance along with their brothers.  Job 42:15

Ponder their stories.  But know this, Jesus never mentioned a woman for her physical beauty. 

He criticized men who were beautiful on the outside, yet unclean in their hearts  “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.”  Matthew 23:27

and praised the actions of a woman as a beautiful thing, but did not call her beautiful. 

When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. “Why this waste?” they asked. 9“This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor.”  10 Aware of this, Jesus said to them, “Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me.  Matthew 26:8-10

Scripture teaches us much more about beauty:

And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”  Romans 10:15

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.  Proverbs 31:30

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.  1 Peter 3:3-4

and much more.  But consider this:

Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.  Psalm 45:11

What is my point?  What do I wish for you to learn from this blog?  What do I desire to teach my daughters about beauty?  Ah…that, my dear, is for another day’s blog because this one has gotten too long.  For now, ponder beauty.  Watch for it.  Rest in it.  Don’t relinquish it.  Let the King be enthralled in your beauty!  For He is the very one who created you beautiful.

Simplify the Season, Celebrate the Savior

The ladies of New Life Bible Church, Winnebago, IL, are hosting an upcoming Women’s Conference entitled “Simplify the Season, Celebrate the Savior” at New Life on November 20th.  At that conference, we will be joining with women from our church and the local communities to learn how to simplify our lives for a more joyous and peaceful Christmas season.

We want to share recipes, gift ideas, tips, and traditions that will benefit the women at the conference.  We can use your help.

If you have a favorite recipe, homemade gift idea, or crafty decorating idea, would you share it with our women?  It’s fun and easy!!  You can even do some online research in any of the categories (see below) and add neat things you find!

1.  Go online to

2.  Hit the LOG IN button  then use “New Life Bible Church Women” for your login name.  The password is “Christmas

3.  The screen will show “Shelly’s Recipe Box” look for the “add a new recipe” link and click it.  Then, type your recipe or craft instructions into the form.

Under “Category” — please use one of these titles

Appetizers           Bread         Christmas Cookies       Christmas Candy   Holiday Pies       Main Dishes        Desserts     Fruits/Vegetables         Homemade Gifts          Crafts         Salads                     Christmas Brunch         Just for Kids      Handmade Decorations

Thank you so much!! Questions or to register for the conference: 

Call Shelly (815)335-1405 or email at

Homecoming Sunday

Football season in going full force in our area!  My hubby, Tim, and I have spent many evenings and weekends watching football this fall.  Our youngest son plays Winn-Du-Pec jr tackle, our older son plays for the Winnebago Jr High team, our nephew is on Winnebago’s J/V, our younger daughter cheers varsity, and even our oldest daughter is playing on a flag football team at Taylor University.  Needless to say, we’ve seen a lot of football!   By Sunday afternoon, I often choose to nap instead of joining the family in front of the TV watching our beloved Packers.  Even though I love the sport, I’m “footballed” out!

I think people get that way with church sometimes, too.   So many times we see people who attend church as enthusiastically as a faithful football fan.   They’re here every time the door is open and often serve behind the scenes without much recognition.  Sadly, there are times when it’s the very people who are most committed to serving the church who reach that point of burn out.  They become like me with football, preferring to nap rather than joining the family one more time in a church related activity.

I believe there are many preventative measures that can be taken to prevent burn-out in my own life.  First and foremost, is to focus on Jesus.  Work as one working for God, not man, and commit to serving as Christ served.   The second step is love.  Lay down judgments, expectations, and conditions, and fully love the people we are serving.  This can only be done with the love of God flowing through us.  The third part of the equation is appreciation, gratitude, and praise.  Giving praise to God, we, as Christians, should show appreciation and thankfulness to those who work hard among us in the church, our communities, and our schools.

You may know that October is Pastor Appreciation Month across our nation.  Usually New Life Bible Church showers our pastors with gifts, pies (pecan is our favorite….LOL!), and cards expressing their love and gratitude.  You have no idea how much that builds us up and encourages us in our ministry.  We thank everyone who participates in Pastor Appreciation Month, but in 2010, we ask for something different.  This year, we ask for everyone who considers New Life as their home church, anyone who is looking for a church home, and those who have been blessed by the ministry of New Life to join us at our Homecoming Service, on October 31.   We will celebrate the thirteenth anniversary of New Life Bible Church showing appreciation to our Father, our pastors, and to everyone who serves our body of Christ.  

Brothers and sisters, we ask you to show your appreciation for those leaders who work among you and instruct you. 13 We ask you to love them and think very highly of them because of the work they are doing. Live in peace with each other.             1 Thess 5:12-13 (GW)


Today I have been studying WISDOM from the first couple of books of Proverbs.  Just from Chapters 2 & 3 I have created this list of the benefits of wisdom.  

Wisdom leads to:

      knowledge & understanding; deliverance; purity; life; goodness/righteousness;  dwelling place; favor & high esteem w/God and man; direction; health/strength; provision; happiness; pleasant peace; blessing; and eternal glory.

  What else can you find from the Proverbs that are a direct result of WISDOM??

Need wisdom?  Ask for it.  James 1:5   While you are at it, pray for WISDOM for your family, your pastors, your church family, your community leaders, and anyone else you can think of.    Seek wisdom!!  Great are the rewards.  Lord God, please give us wisdom!!